PVP Tag Team Titles Match RP

*DvH enters the ring with a distraught look on his face and a mic in hand, he is shaking slightly*

(Dysurh Von Hawkhem): *In a Shakey voice* Tonight Sommerlund has put me inside a match I CANNOT compete in, not only should I not but I don't think I will either. Sommerlund has put me in...A...Tag Team Title Match, thats right all you fans were gonna get a great oppurtunity to see me Deee Veee acHHHH, but now thanks to Sommerlund and his 'infinte wisdom' you won't be, because for a tag match you need 2 teams of 2 not 2 versus 1, so I have to say Well Done Sommerlund.color]

*The crowd EXPLODES with dissapointed sighs and jeers while DvH applaudes sarchastically at Sommerlund*

[color=blue](Commentator 1): Damn we miss a TAG TITLE MATCH? What the hell why did sommerlund do that??

*Then out of nowhere Captain Falcon's Music bursts on and the crowd becomes EVEN more confused*

(Dysurh Von Hawkhem): *Sternly* What are YOU doing here?
*Captain Falcon takes the mic from DvH*
(Captain Falcon): Im here to tell you that match you were on about..the tag team title match?...Its STILL on! and you've got a partner now.!
(Dysurh Von Hawkhem):Who? Is it Sommerlund himself? Or maybe even another New guy like Yung-Hoile?

*The crowd seems even further confused by the name Yung-Hoile*

(Dysurh Von Hawkhem): *at crowd* he's new.

*Someone in the crowd shouts "Does he suck monkey ass?" and the crowd erupts with laughter*

(Dysurh Von Hawkhem): *at fan* If it makes my fans happy then yes. yes he does suck big fat sweaty monkey ass.

(Captain Falcon): Anyway getting back onto subject here, your tag partner? You REALLY wanna know who it is?

*The Crowd starts to chant " Hurry Up! Hurry Up!" *

(Commentator 1): I wonder who it is?
(Commentator 2): *Angrily* Shut up idiot he's about to tell us!
(Captain Falcon): *admiring the crowd chant he's got running* The Tag team partner of DvH is...... ME Captain Falcon!

(Dysurh von Hawkhem): S@#T

End of RP

I vote 3 for average, this is why.

You did what you needed to do, which was annouce yourself, but that is all, you accomplished your goal.

What this promo needs is a little more flesh, you should have held back on the announcement for just a while and maybe wrote a little to make people wonder " is here here to help, is he here to insult, or is he here under Sommer's orders to back up the fact that DvH HAS to wrestle in this match."

You really needed to explain why you took this challenge up, in order to build some face heat. the fact that you sdid not makes this promo acceptable, but nothing very special.

No real problem however you can work on it still, or if not, take what I say as constructive criticism and simply build your character, as is, we know your likely one of the good guys, but really nothing else.

I hope this helps, and I do apologize if you take it offensively.

No I found this very helpful and thank you, It doesn't offend me in any way and you justified why you gave it a three too.
I will take your advice on board and hopefully I can improve on it now, Thanks Again but by the way I turn heel at the PVP after my match. Read Ace Skywalkers (if Dysurh von Hawkhem wins Tag Team titles).